Top 50 Funny Quotes About Men | Humorous Men Quotes

A Great List About Men Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes About Men

1. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked. – Jerry Seinfeld
2. Don’t expect a woman that has no money to think negative And never expect a man loaded with cash to think positive.
3. Men are like a pair of high heel shoes you wear them use them and throw them away for a new pair.
4. The way to man’s heart is through an incision.
5. Men are like purses. Cute, full of sh*t and replaceable.:)
6. Men are stupid, if you forget this just give it a min, they’ll remind you again.
7. Women always worry about things that men forget; men always worry about things women remember. – Albert Einstein
8. He suffers from delusions of grandeur; nevertheless he is truly grand! – Boghos L. Artinian
9. Chocolate, men, coffee – some things are better rich.
10. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison. – Tim Allen
11. Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman. – Maryon Pearson
12. Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
13. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. – Elayne Boosler
14. Men are like toilets; deep, dark and full of sh**!
15. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
16. Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
17. Men are like blenders. You know you need one, but you’re not sure why.
18. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner
19. It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass. – Rodney Dangerfield
20. A man can never be careful until he buys a new car and a white shirt.
21. If human beings originated from monkeys, why do men act like dogs???
22. Men don’t take direction very well. But eventually when they realize the direction was correct they take all the credit.
23. All men are dogs, the difference is the barking rate!
24. Behind every successful man there’s a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are several women.
25. There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: “Hold my purse.”
26. Dogs should not be compared to men, they are much better.
27. I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women. – Louis C.K.
28. Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare. – Rene Descartes
29. Husbands are like fine wine. They take time to mature. – Letters to Juliet, the movie.
30. Most men think monogamy is what dining room tables are made of.
31. Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. – Rita Rudner
32. Men…. I don’t get them, they spend 9 months of their life waiting to come out and the rest of their life trying to get in.
33. Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
34. Men are like buses… if you miss one another one will be coming in 5 minutes.
35. What do men and clouds have in common???….. When both are not around it’s a nice day!
36. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner
37. God made men because every good thing needs a blue print.
38. If women belong in the kitchen, shouldn’t men belong in the garage with all the other tools?! (- :
39. Men are like bank accounts, without money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
40. Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract!
41. Things you’ll never hear a man say…
42. I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
43. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.
44. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
45. A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!
46. They say, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a Man healty, wealthy and wise”, Well I’m not too sure if its entirely true, because I have never seen a healthy, wealthy and wise man.
47. Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, every Saturday he and his friends will load up beer and go fishing.
48. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. – Erica Jong
49. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. – Gloria Steinem

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